Retained Placenta(s)

Childbirth is truly an amazing event.  I have been in the room, by my wife's side (so to speak, I was also the cameraman which put me at the foot of the bed at times) for the birth of all six of our children.  Except for my daughter Gabrielle (the stubborn little bugger was breach and she was born via c-section) all of our children were born naturally and 4 out of the 5 natural births were without pain medication or an epidural.  Again, except for Gabby, I have video of each of the births of my children (the doctor would not allow a video camera in the operating room for Gabby, although they did allow a still camera).  Each birth was absolutely unbelievable for a number of reasons, one of which is the manner in which my wife goes through and manages labor (more details on this for a subsequent post).  However, if birthing six babies isn't amazing enough, seeing a woman (my wife) birth two of our babies with no epidural or pain medication, then immediately following those births going through the removal of a retained placenta, should nominate her for Mom/Woman of the Decade.  

As many already know, following the birth of a child, there is the afterbirth where the doctor essentially "delivers" the placenta.  Typically a few minutes after the birth the placenta will, with only a few light pushes from the mother, come out relatively effortlessly, in one complete  piece.  However, in the case of my daughters Lily and Evangeline's birth, the placenta was very deeply implanted into my wife's uterus and it did not "release" properly and it needed to be manually extracted.  This is the process by which the doctor pulls on the umbilical cord, pushes aggressively on the mothers belly, uses their hands or a somewhat barbaric looking device called a curette (essentially a long scrapper) to manually remove the placenta, often times in bits or pieces amid an atmosphere of tension, pain, screaming and blood (at least that was our experience).  

I can tell you, writing the words "...manually remove the placenta..." and the actual experience are two VERY different things.  Being an observer I can only recount my feelings during the "extraction" and what my wife has told me regarding the experience, but I will do my best to paint an accurate picture. 

Immediately following the birth, an event that is full of excitement, joy and countless other emotions for both mommy and daddy and after which the mommy is truly exhausted, imagine the doctor, who is trying to deliver the placenta, begin to struggle with an inkling of surprise and concern on his face.  As he starts to pull a little harder on the cord to "ease" the placenta out, I can see Tiffany starting to feel very uncomfortable, letting out moans of pain as the doctor struggles to get the placenta to release.  The doctor then asks the exhausted mommy to lightly "push" as he is pulling, very aggressively now, on the umbilical cord to get the placenta to release.  The doctor is actually putting quite a bit of weight into his pulling, leaning back to exert as much pressure as possible without actually tearing the cord (that, as I understand it, would be very bad).  During the pulling, the screams of pain coming from my wife were unlike anything I had heard in any of our previous births and nothing like any noise I heard during the birth that just happened.  After a few more attempts like the above, the placenta begins to emerge but we are quickly aware that the entire placenta has not come out.  The placenta does not look like it did in our other births, typically a smooth looking reddish and purplish "bag" or "pouch".  The placenta looked raw around the edges; jagged. The placenta has torn while being removed and parts of it are still inside and attached to my wife's uterus.

What comes next can be described as nothing less than barbaric, a horror to watch your wife go through and probably the most painful experience that any one could endure outside of being physically tortured.  Realizing that the entire placenta has not come out, and after repeatedly assuring us that the last thing we wanted to do is have my wife go into surgery, the doctor resorts to two measures to try and remove the remaining bits and pieces of placenta.  In our first experience, with our daughter Lily, the doctor used his hand to reach inside my wife to remove the remaining stubborn pieces of placenta.  Through the screams of pain coming from Tiffany and the begging to go to the operating room to "knock her out", I could see that the doctor was literally "elbow deep" at times, pulling out little shredded pieces of placenta tissue.  In the most recent instance, with our daughter Evie, the doctor used his hands in addition to a long surgical steel curette to repeatedly scrape the inside of my wife's uterus.  Imagine seeing the doctor, with the long piece of surgical steel in his hand repeatedly  disappearing and then reappearing from inside your wife, the doctor doing so in what can only be described as a "stab-like motion".  The high pitched screams of pain, the tears flowing from my wife's eyes, her knuckles turing white as she grasps my hand with one hand, and the sheets of the bed with the other being the signs of the true pain she is experiencing.

In all, the entire ordeal (in both cases) lasted about 30 to 45 minutes. The pain of labor and delivery pales in comparison to what my wife just experienced (and she would agree). The pile of tissue where the intact placenta "should have been" was indiscernible.  My wife, finally having been administered some pain medication was now able to hold our new baby while the doctor gave her a few shots of novocain prior to stitching up the tearing that occurred during the ordeal (that's right, it is still not over for her yet, at least she is numbed up for this).  In the case of the birth of our daughter Evie, the doctor ordered an ultrasound too make sure that he was able to remove all the bits and pieces of the placenta.  

Interestingly enough, in talking to my wife the other day, discussing the very events above, she said something truly unbelievable, and it is a testament to her love of the labor and birthing process (yes, her LOVE of the process).  Had she known that she would have to undergo the events described above prior to her labor and delivery, she still would not take an epidural and would still opt (assuming she even had a choice) to perform the procedure outside of the operating room.  The birth experience, absent any medication or an epidural, is something that my wife, even after six babies and two retained placentas, would not pass up.  

Etsy...

In addition to her many talents, one of my wife's hobbies is to make bead work jewelry. She has made several bracelets, necklaces and earring sets for both family and friends, as well as for gifts etc... She has even made, at my urging and as a challenge, a "man's" bead work necklace for me that I have never taken off since she gave it to me.

Below is a link for her Etsy shop...I would encourage you to check it out.

http://www.etsy.com/shop/babydragonflies?ref=ss_profile

Tie Dye Shirts

Not long ago, I came home from work for lunch and as I walked in the door, things were as I would have expected, Tiffany, my wife, was tending to our 2 year old daughter Gabby and our infant daughter Evie.  However, it did not take long and my attention was drawn to a large green bucket sitting in the kitchen sink.  My curiosity peaked, I looked inside the bucket and saw it was filled with  dark colored liquid with what looked like towels or some kind of cloth bundled up, soaking conspicuously in the bucket.  Pointing at the bucket, I asked Tiffany what was happening in our kitchen sink?  She, without any hesitation or any type of indication that what was occurring was strange, matter of factly stated she was tie dyeing T-shirts for the kids.   

As it turns out, every year my kids school has "theme days" where they have to wear certain themed clothing on different days.  One day they have to wear camouflage.  Another day they might have to wear mismatched socks.  Apparently, there is also a tie dye shirt day, and that day was tomorrow.  

So, I immediately started thinking about what I would do in a similar circumstance.  I think a visit to Walmart would have sufficed to obtain the necessary tie dye attire for my kids.  However, not my wife.  It was easier in her mind to break out the Rit Dye and grab some older white T-shirts in the kid's drawers as opposed to gathering up our two year old and infant daughters and heading to Walmart to buy some tie dye apparel.   Maybe it is just me, but that is one loving, dedicated, amazing mommy.  

My Wife, the Poet...Computer Woes.

For the longest time I have been of the opinion that since computer technology changes so fast, we should buy the cheapest possible computer and when it stops working, just throw it out and buy a new inexpensive computer again. This way, we always have the most recent and up to date technology. Well, we currently have a Toshiba Satellite laptop computer that we bought a few years ago on Black Friday. At first, it worked really well, it was fast, loaded with new features, and a dream to use...however, that changed after about six months. For the last 12 to 18 months this computer, essentially my wife's computer as I have my work laptop and my iPad, has slowed down, takes forever to open programs, freezes up, the cursor disappears, and is consistently running updates. Most mornings, while my wife and I are sitting downstairs prior to her getting the kids up for school, and while I am happily checking email and surfing the web on my iPad, my wife is accross the room waiting, sighing and making snide comments as she waits for our computer to respond. I have defragmented the hard disk, run anti-virus software, adware, spyware and any other type of "ware" available to clean the computer up and get it to run faster...we have updated the hard drive (thank you Gabby, my daughter...that is a story for another day), added more memory, deleted all unnecessary programs, cleaned out the start up menu, but NOTHING has worked. So fast forward to the other morning, when I receive an email while at work entitled "Computer Woes". I was really impressed with what she wrote (particularly given that she has little time in the morning before she must get the kids up for school) but I keep getting this nagging feeling that she is, in a not so subtle way, trying to tell me something...

Computer Woes

Need a new computer cuz it doesn't work at all,
It doesn't need a battery, it needs a wrecking ball.

When I'm in the midst of typing, the cursor will disappear,
"I'm going to lose all my work", is my constant & daily fear.

I hardly accomplish my work when the clock begins to chime,
I'm so tired of sitting here, wasting all my time.

My husband is so tired of hearing me bi*ch and moan,
As he sits there working fast on his darn smart phone.

I'm so frustrated, expected to perform,
It's sad that such inefficiency has become my daily norm.

After all this, there's only one thing left to say...
Honey, do we have to wait all the way until Christmas day?

Pretty good, isn't it...not bad for probably taking all of five minutes to write it. She is one amazing mommy... Needless to say, two things have happened since I received this. One, I have started to question my computer purchasing strategy. Maybe there is some truth to "you get what you pay for". Maybe there is some middle ground? In March I purchased an iPad 2. It cost me more than any laptop I have ever purchased, actually it was twice as much as any laptop computer I have personally purchased. However, that 0.38 inch thick piece of electronic hardware has been a dream and a joy to use. The user experience has been unbelievable, it is fast, feels good to hold, has amazing functionality, and has become one of those pieces of technology that I did not know that I could not live without. Which brings me to the second thing that has happened since I received my wife's email...we have ordered a brand new MacBook Pro laptop which should be arriving any day...

Some Like it Hot...

A few posts ago I wrote about one of my wife's "super human" powers, aka her night vision abilities.  If that alone is not impressive enough to us mere mortals, she has yet another amazing ability which defies all odds.  

But first, allow me to digress.   We have all seen in the movies these people that are able to walk across hot coals.  Have you ever asked yourself how in the world do they do that?  Some claim it is all about mindset and attitude.  While that may partly be true, the ability is actually strongly rooted in physics.   The temperature of hot coals can often reach roughly 1000 degrees F.  While that is certainly much hotter than the melting point of a person's foot, the actual temperature of the coals is only one part of the equation.  Another aspect of what is going on is the relationship between thermal energy and temperature.  Basically, the human foot and the hot coals have two very different heat capacities.  Heat capacity, or thermal capacity, is the amount of heat it takes to change a particular substance's temperature by a given amount.  The human foot, which is mostly made up of water, has a much higher heat capacity than the hot coals.  So, the same amount of thermal energy that is flowing away from the hot coals will lower the temperature of the coals much more than that same amount of heat energy will raise the temperature of a human foot.  Now, if the foot remains in contact with the hot coals, energy will continuously flow to the foot until the coals and the foot are the same temperature, and will subsequently burn the foot.  However, this takes time and the amount of time that it takes is strongly correlated with  heat conductivity.  There are substances that are good heat conductors, such as water or metal (metal is actually a great conductor and has a very high heat capacity too), but there are also poor heat conductors (or insulators) such as air (think about how you can put your hand into a 450 degree oven without getting burned, so long as you do not touch anything metal) or in the case of the hot coals, ash.  So, as the feet are marching across the hot coals, they are actually cooling the coals (remember, coals have a lower heat capacity, so they will cool faster than the feet will heat up) and it takes time for heat to flow from the rest of the fire to the cool spots.  Additionally, the feet are mostly made of water, which is a good conductor of heat.  So the heat will quickly be conducted away from the contact points between the feet and the coals, thus preventing (subject to time, of course) the temperature from reaching the burning point. 

So, you might be asking yourself how is any of this relevant to my wife?  Well, she does not go around walking across hot coals (at least not that I know of...), but she does have an unbelievable capacity to touch and handle things that are really hot.  Now, there are certainly limits to this ability, after all, even Superman had his limitations, but we have been able to determine that my wife's personal heat capacity is greater than that of a typical human (for argument's sake, I will play the role of a typical human, although some might argue that I am anything but typical).  Through extensive trial and error we have discovered multiple things / situations that my wife is able to handle (without a flinch, grimace or any other usual reaction to really hot stuff) for relatively extend periods of time, without the aid of any typical kitchen insulator devices (aka pot holders) or other type of heat protection.  Here is a select, but not exhaustive list of the things we have discovered (in some cases on purpose, in other cases by accident, you be the judge):

1. Chicken nuggets freshly out of a 450 degree F oven
2. Fish sticks freshly out of a 400 degree F oven
3. A ceramic dinner plate that has been in a 350 degree F oven for 15 to 20 minutes
4. Hot candle wax
5. Walking across white beach sand at 2:00 PM on a sunny 95 degree F day in St. Augustine, FL
6. A shower with the cold water turned all the way off (FYI, our water heater is set to 140 degrees F)
7. Squeezing out hot tea bags (Bengal spice is her favorite tea)
8. Hot glue from a hot glue gun

Were I to attempt any of the above for the length of time my wife is able to do so and trust me, I have, I would find myself nursing my singed appendages with ice, cold water, basically anything that would dull the pain, but not Tiffany.  She would not miss a beat.

Disclaimer:  Please do not try this a home, or at least if you do, be mindful that when you smell burning flesh, let go.  

Myth Busters, Rods and Night Vision

In the evenings, after the kids go to bed and we finally have time to ourselves, my wife and I often will fire up Netflix and search together to find a movie to watch via instant streaming (absolutely one of the coolest technological advances ever...).  We went through a phase where we watched the show Myth Busters quite a bit (for those that do not know, the show focuses on either proving or disproving common myths).  There was one episode in particular, that oddly enough is relevant to my wife.  This was the "pirate episode" where Jamie and Adam attempt to navigate a "pirate obstacle course" in the dark,  fist with their eyes adjusted to bright sunlight, second with their eyes "pre-adjusted" to the dark.  The myth they were trying to prove was that pirates wore an eye patch so that they always had one eye that was adequately adjusted to darkness.  This, they argued, would give the pirate an advantage particularly when going from the bright light on the deck of the ship to the darkness of the bowels of the ship.  Here is a portion of the Myth Busters episode



Now, a quick science lesson, there are two forms of receptors in a person's eye, rods and cones.  The rods are principally responsible for scotopic vision (night vision), as they are far more sensitive receptors and will respond to even a single photon of light.  However, while rods respond to much less light than their cones counterparts, they respond much more slowly, thus it takes much longer for them to adjust to the specific light conditions (hence the myth that pirates wore a patch to have the advantage of always having an eye adjusted to low light / dark conditions).

So, how does this relate to my wife? She has an uncanny ability to do almost anything in the dark.  I would argue that there are some things she does even better in the dark (any guys reading this, stay with me here, I know what you are thinking!!).  Our youngest child is just three months old, so she spends the night in her co-sleeper in our master bedroom.  So, as many young babies do, they need to eat in the wee hours of the morning on occasion, or in our case, every morning at 4:30 AM sharp.  My wife, without any sort of luminary assistance can mix up a bottle of formula, pick up the baby (I could probably not even find the baby were it not for the sound of her crying), feed her, burp her, change her, swaddle her, lay her down back to sleep and get herself back into bed all with ease.  I on the other hand, should I not turn on the light in the next room, thus providing a "sliver" of light into our bedroom allowing me to actually see what I am doing (much to my wife's chagrin, this is exactly what I do, although she might argue there is more than a sliver of light) would have spilled the canister of formula, stubbed my toe while searching in the darkness for the baby, attempted to feed the baby's ear (hard to see where her mouth is in the dark), get coated with formula when trying to burp her, stub my toe again while trying to find her swaddling blanket and last but not least, bang my knee trying to get myself back into bed.

Obviously I am exaggerating somewhat...maybe I would only stub my toe once, but I am dead serious regarding my wife's night vision abilities.  The day rods were handed out she got her fair share and then some...as for me, who knows, maybe mine were handed out at night...